|  Author | Topic: Rambalars - alternative code of conduct - (Read 10,510 times) |
Angelo
Large Cock !
member is offline
![[avatar]](http://www.shoot-2kill.com/gallery/mememe.jpg)
welcome to the Darkside
Joined: Oct 2005
Gender: Male 
Posts: 340
Location: Westminster
Karma: 0 |  | Rambalars - alternative code of conduct -
« Thread Started on Oct 14, 2009, 1:53am » | |
I am fuckin fucked right f*cking off with f*cking walkers, hikers and f*cking ramblers, whenever I slow right down and pass them out deep in the glorious countryside, they invariably give me a filthy sideways glare exactly as I chug past them quietly at stalling speed, what is their f*cking pathetic problem? I even go as far as squeezing out a fake "kill em with kindness" smile to try to seem as much of a decent responsible motorcyclist gentlemen fairy poofta as possible to the ungrateful wankers. Yet the plodding arseholes are still all getting together like rats in bad weather and writing bag fulls of poisonous whingeing mail to our distant, popularity obsessed and out of touch governmentalists. And against any fair and reasonable understanding of how the system should work to protect all viewpoints, are managing somehow to get the laws changed so as to ban our rights of way anywhere and everywhere worth the riding. Just because they do not ride themfuckingselves!!! Underhanded selfish ignorant knitted hatted fuckers.
I f*cking hate ramblers.
The time has come to accept our shitty fate and become the outlaws we have been made into:
Hence green lane brothers, i propose this slightly altered code of conduct for the GLC when encountering other recreational users of the English countryside.
1) Ramblers - roost the sodding f*ck out of them, ideally stop just ahead of them and as they approach the rear wheel; roost the balls off the bike and cover the ungrateful fuckers with as much mud and shit as humanly possible, flip them the bird and ride off fast and loud, spinning up that rear wheel a bit more for luck, especially if there is some gravel around. I know that when we creep by all respectfully they tell all the other rambler tossers down the "muddy boots" inn that evening that we "rode by in an aggressive and threatening way and splashed mud all over Ruth's new millets' cagool", so what is the f*cking point of trying to be nice to the moany spineless shits in the first place? Roost them (and their numerous and often snooty kids).
2) Moody Ramblers - these are the bastards that give you a really hard stare and mumble something arsey about you as you make every frigging effort and coast by with the clutch in trying keep a low "we can all share the countryside" profile, they are especially puffed up if there are any she-ramblers in the group. I say lasso these c*nts and drag them behind the bikes for at least a few hundred yards, like they do in old westerns, roost them a little on the way too just for good measure, cut the rope and leave them for the others to carry back to medical care. That should teach them some respect for horsepower.
3) Farmers - they are mainly insane... so normal violence is of limited effect, but... they are often rich and very tight, so i suggest hurt them where it counts... in the wallet (probably that type with a zip).
If they give you any jib at all, even a funny look just hop into the adjacent field and ride round it speedway style a few times in progressively smaller circles until you have uprooted 70-80% of all plant matter and then ride right up to the bastards face and say, "so f*cking what?"
If you see him go for the shotgun i suggest you leave the agricultural reassignment and ride out of range (about 200yards will do) then roam around the area and open a few gates to keep the miserable shit busy for a day or two, rounding up all the escaped pigs and liberated "walking food" etc. You can feel slightly good about yourself while doing this as you will be helping all the "living on death row livestock" have a little hide and seek fun in their short rubbish lives. This action will also make you an instant hit with a good few animal liberation nutters and dark hearted veggi art students; some of whom are quite cute women, (though you might find them a bit pale and/or hairy). Then return to finish the field at night for good measure.
4) D-o-g walkers - a) small yappish pointless ones: this one is obvious, just don't fall off. b) large woof woofs: treat owners as ramblers. c) dangerous breed psycho jaw locking muscle mutts: these menacing D-ogs are quite dumb, but not so dumb not to know their owners are tossers and to hate them as much as everyone else does, treat the owners as per moody ramblers, they will probably try and hold on to the "weakling that feeds me for free" with bare teeth as you try to drag them along, (possibly by their balls in the best cases). Do not go too fast so the vicious canines can keep up, that way they can smell their "half price gangsta" owners blood and they might do something useful for a change and eat the insecure, immature, and dressed in chav couture fuckers. As opposed to the only other useful thing these massive raw butcher-offcuts eating scarey motherfucker d-o-gs do: i.e. leave huge stinking shits all over the middle of the lanes to make the life of panting cyclists a little more fruity and fragrant.
5) Horse Riders - Do Not rev the nuts off your bike, as would "seem" the correct thing to do: This only causes the horses to run into trees etc and get hurt. Though they are "as dumb as shit" animals, I still rather like horses (you dooo ride them after all) and they are an innocent in this whole rights of way fiasco. I know of no horses (to date) that have written to their local MP or council golf/gay chums asking if their is "a legal way to ban the noisy and smelly working class biker chaps from the area surrounding the village...say 50-60 miles?"
But fortunately as Sunday equestrians are always always always female (or close enough), the correct action for a gentleman dirt biker must be a few polite words like: as an instant example:
"Oi, bitch, would you like a real animal between your legs?" or:
"sit on here a while love... the vibrations will make you cum your tits off" or the old fave of Gnome's, just wisper:
"I f*ck anything"*
Chances are very good that the horny wenches (what is it about girls and horses?) will accept the offer of a hard cocking, adding an extra level to the whole rights of free entry to bikers in the countryside situation. Plus most stuck up riding ladies love a bit of rough, and who are we to let them down when they are taking so much from us? They kind of owe us, at least a quicky in the bushes, no?
*(not to the horse)
6) Signs and notices - pull out, deface and destroy at your pleasure.
7) The police - Strange thing is most individual police officers I meet are on our side? Strange that? I guess they get fucked by the same system, as much if not more than the rest of us. Of course they would rather be catching the real scum that are the threat to a decent life in this decaying country. But they are forced, at least every now and then to chase us around the countryside telling many honest people going about their pleasure and doing no tangible harm to anyone, to get lost. Or else taking a few bikes in punishment from time to time..... As if we did not have enough to worry about what with half the car drivers trying to kill us on the roads. These Poor buggers have so much to do already without these virtually pointless new duties.....and all because some rambling dippy MP's wife has decided that's what they must do with stretched police resources. Go around them, be decent if you can bring yourself to. They well know who the local bike thieving, field crossing, horse frightening scrotes and scum really are: even if most all the people listed above can't tell the poxy difference. The police may just be the only practical justice in this whole fucked up mess, but once the law becomes a tool for one side to use ban another's viewpoint you know you are in for a prison cell shafting of a deal.
8) Cyclists - We should have more in common with these pricks, you at least would f*cking think so... but they are the first in line trying to get motorbikes banned from even very remote areas... it is just power envy. Roost Roost Roost them, every f*cking chance you get. And knock the sweating energy bar nibbling saps into any thorns or barbed wire when overtaking. Head on; just aim strait at them, a slight wheelie is good for effect...if they are bursting with invincibility they might try and play chicken for a bit, but do not worry they will be in that hedge one way or the other...
9) Welsh farmers - these poor fucked buggers have no proper money to worry about at all; thanks to Tesco Supermarket's long term policy of f*cking them up the arse with sand for lubricant and if they complain they get castration with a broken milk bottle as the reach-around, this business practice has somewhat dampened their spirits of late. They hardly care anymore about the (now) Bank's/bailiff's farm that they are still forced to work 18 hours a day to keep their fat chip eating taffy kids in play-station games and american urban clothing....obviously the normal (no3) techniques hardly work. Still, if they have the spirit left to act up, it is best to have you evil way with their special favourite, that will soon show them who's boss, and of course remember to show no mercy in the act or the wooly slag will know you are faking it again.
![[image]](http://www.exoinfo.net/fred/sheep.jpg)
10) Other motorcyclists - a) slower than you: probably TRF or pottering old twinshock farts, treat as cyclists only with much less compassion b) faster than you: speed the f*ck up you loser, you are in the Green Lane Crew! Then refer to 10a. c) Pitshitpikeybikes - strait over the top, kind of like a log pile in your path, only with the added challenge of a moving target.
Some clever American people have somehow found this thread and asked for a transfuckinglation of certain words, the clue is in the name of your language yanks. En-g-li-sh. We invented it please learn to speak it properly. That said one or two of you did ask nicely; including my uncle from South Carolina (what was his dad thinking) and a rather sweet girl from Utah who sent me a very nice picture of her Vagina. (keep em coming)
So here it is:
English translation key:
Large cock! - one who has posted more than 250 times on this forum (and has a large cock of course)
Rambler (rambalar, ramblier) - trail walker - generally older folk but fairly fit, seem unable to have any fun, like to complain a lot, about: shoes, feet, legs, back, weather, noise, food, wildlife, trails, maps, signs, prices, equipment other walkers, trails and trail riders.
Glare - unfriendly hostile stare
Poofta - effeminate gay male, or someone who acts or dresses like one
Whingeing - complaining in an annoying manner (particularly if unnecessary)
Wanker - one who loves to jerk themself off, for most of the day (and night)
GLC - Green Lane Crew, unofficial (outlaw) drit-bike group, offshoot of the TRF (official).
Roost - scratch up mud with rear tyre like a rooster and spray it all over the place
Sodding - arse f*cking
Millets - Good value shop selling outdoors gear for walkers campers etc
Cagool - short waterproof jacket with hood in stupid colours (colors)
Tossers - same a wanker but more than one
Gnome - our leader and founder of the GLC
Moany - person who is always moaning
A good few - a lot
Animal liberation nutters - people who love animals more than the people they sleep with
Slags - girls of easy virtue who will let you have their always somehow imperfect bodies for two beers and a kebab (welsh slags = 1 beer + some of yoos chips)
Chips - french fries
Wenches - Very old term for rural slags who have hard jobs (though not in PR slags (they are called tarts))
Very old = older than America
MP - Member of Parliament or greedy self serving professional c*nt is fine and less formal.
Dippy - a bit silly, but still tolerable in short doses.
Scrote - a young vagabond, petty thief, charming lawless young trouble maker
Prison cell shafting - when you know you are in a f*cking fucked situation.
Welsh - the unfortunate inhabitants of the Wales part of mainland Britain. Have there own strange language that nobody understands and an accent that many people like. Genetically much purer than the English (they claim due to the unconquerable nature of their lands, many rather suspect it is due to the fact their women were too ugly for the Romans/Saxons/Normans to rape.)
Tesco = bastards of cheapness, huge powerful multinational supermarket chain.
Pitshitpikeybikes - pit-bikes, the two wheeled equivalent of cockroaches; often ridden quite skilfully and without any protective gear by 9 year old boys with scars that live in rubbish surrounded caravans and do not go to school (more than 25 days a year).
Rubbish surrounded caravans - trash ringed trailer homes
TRF - Trail Riders Federation: the responsible face of off road motorcycling in the UK, lobby pressure group negotiating with UK government over off road motorcycle access to rural areas etc. (may have sold out any chance of preventing the ancient laws of the open countryside being changed thus effectively allowing the government to out law trail riding over 98% of the UK in one swoop - all effectively unopposed) have a reputation (not deserved) for riding very slowly. slightly creaky middle class feel. Very much the kind of chaps that won the first world war and battle of britain by asking their men to make great sacrifice and to die heroic (and seemingly pointless) deaths in greater numbers than the Germans.
Legal disclaimer....Ok stupid, this is just a bit of fun, do not do any of the stuff in this list. The key is entirely wrong. The GLC, the TRF and Welsh are not like they are described. But the bit about Welsh girls doing it for a beer does happen a lot (ask anyone).
If you have read this whole thing you deserve something to clear you head.... try this...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z19zFlPah-o
|
Beta 450 RR - I was touched by micheal jackson as a youth... |
|
Cav
Large Cock !
member is offline
![[avatar]](http://i200.photobucket.com/albums/aa124/neilcav/tallPinesDec09_edited.jpg)
Joined: Dec 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 393
Karma: -10 | | Re: Rambalars - alternative code of conduct -
« Reply #1 on Oct 14, 2009, 7:15am » | |
Just show your kids this article and they can make their own mind up whether drugs are a bad thing
| |
|
Capt.Kayos
Massive Cock !
Don't Forget The Oil
member is offline
![[avatar]](http://homepage.mac.com/paul.massey/avatars/kayosbwsml.jpg)
"Kayos Theory"
Joined: Nov 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 715
Location: The Plough
Karma: 76 | | Re: Rambalars - alternative code of conduct -
« Reply #2 on Oct 14, 2009, 10:03am » | |
I am a tad concerned that someone may, inadvertently, forward this post to the TBM website - please be careful
|
"She's weird coz she colours her hair and is very self-opinionated" Quote - Woodgnome (FFS !!!!)
Woodgnome - The diplomatic flying half brick
|
|
grunt fox
Administrator
how many were supposed to be following me?
member is offline
![[avatar]](http://static.blogo.it/motoblog/sexy-bikers-la-scolaretta/dirt_01.jpg)
Joined: Mar 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 778
Location: stopsley luton
Karma: 8,388,606 | | Re: Rambalars - alternative code of conduct -
« Reply #3 on Oct 14, 2009, 4:53pm » | |
angelo you really should lay off the coke a bit, i think you have overloaded on 'caffine' 
|
Who needs two anyway ! |
|
Angelo
Large Cock !
member is offline
welcome to the Darkside
Joined: Oct 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 340
Location: Westminster
Karma: 0 | | Re: Rambalars - alternative code of conduct -
« Reply #4 on Oct 14, 2009, 5:13pm » | |
so i guess this will not be incorporated as the new code of conduct then?
|
Beta 450 RR - I was touched by micheal jackson as a youth... |
|
Angelo
Large Cock !
member is offline
welcome to the Darkside
Joined: Oct 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 340
Location: Westminster
Karma: 0 | | Re: Rambalars - alternative code of conduct -
« Reply #5 on Oct 14, 2009, 5:27pm » | |
Sorry to dispel any "cool" drugs baron image I have somehow acquired: but never done any drugs ever....never ever. I do not think all drugs are as bad as some folks do, but I have seen a lot more people ruined than made great and I have always known chemicals are not for me. Maybe if I had done a little of something I would have an outlet for my anger, instead of getting my own back on this unfair world once in a while in writing...I guess my drug is made of aluminium, rubber, steel and fire...
Little doubt I am in for a life ban from the TRF, Pity. I was just about to subscribe to their mini-me size magazine...
Ah well fuckit, I am going for a ride....
|
Beta 450 RR - I was touched by micheal jackson as a youth... |
|
Rubber Jonny
Administrator
member is offline
![[avatar]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v604/Lennie69/untitled-4.jpg)
Roost Machine 250!
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 594
Location: Hertfordshire.
Karma: 1 | | Re: Rambalars - alternative code of conduct -
« Reply #6 on Oct 15, 2009, 7:20am » | |
Oct 14, 2009, 5:27pm, Angelo wrote:I have never done any drugs ever....never ever.
Does this mean a life ban from the TRF? I was just about to subscribe to the mini-me size magazine... |
|
Yes it does, only hardened crack heads can join.
| |
|
Cav
Large Cock !
member is offline
Joined: Dec 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 393
Karma: -10 | | Re: Rambalars - alternative code of conduct -
« Reply #7 on Oct 15, 2009, 7:27am » | |
IS this how you feel at that time of the morning :
"I would hurl words into this darkness and wait for an echo, and if an echo sounded, no matter how faintly, I would send other words to tell, to march, to fight, to create a sense of hunger for life that gnaws in us all. "
If So, I've always found that a nice cup of cocoa and a Werthers Original always help, or a relaxing long shite
| |
|
Paulus the Woodgnome
Administrator
Alf Garnet
member is offline
![[avatar]](http://homepage.mac.com/paul.massey/avatars/morphgnome.jpg)
Morph says "Fuck you Rambliars"
![[homepage]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/buttons/www_sm.gif)
Joined: Aug 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,335
Location: Lutonistan
Karma: -4 | | Re: Rambalars - alternative code of conduct -
« Reply #8 on Oct 15, 2009, 5:25pm » | |
Superb post Angelo - I think a 'certain ex-cock ringed person' will feed that to the TBM forum, and perhaps let them know we are well on the way to a 100+ ride out at Xmas. Boss Hog reckons he might get up to 50 quads/bikes, the Spazmo's another 20, the knebworth crew and more so - bring it on!!!!
Paulus the Woodgnome
|
The more the merrier |
|
Rubber Jonny
Administrator
member is offline
Roost Machine 250!
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 594
Location: Hertfordshire.
Karma: 1 | | Re: Rambalars - alternative code of conduct -
« Reply #9 on Oct 29, 2009, 8:44pm » | |
Good additions angelo.
| |
|
roguetrooper68
Just a Cock !
member is offline
![[avatar]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/avatars/redcreature.gif)
Joined: Dec 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 75
Location: holwell nr hitchin
Karma: 0 | | Re: Rambalars - alternative code of conduct -
« Reply #10 on Dec 30, 2009, 1:28pm » | |
quite quite brilliant !
|
start everyday as if you mean it ! |
|
tommo
Just a Cock !
member is offline
Joined: Feb 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 55
Karma: 0 | | Re: Rambalars - alternative code of conduct -
« Reply #11 on Jan 6, 2010, 8:07pm » | |
Fuck me Angelo!!!!!!!!!!! Here, Here
| |
|
Cookie
Large Cock !
member is offline
![[avatar]](http://img1.jurko.net/avatar_11327.gif)
THE FUTURE IS 2 SMOKE ORANGE
Joined: Jan 2006
Gender: Male
Posts: 252
Location: Berkhamsted
Karma: 0 | | Re: Rambalars - alternative code of conduct -
« Reply #12 on Jan 29, 2010, 11:15pm » | |
hey Cooky, Im doing well. Had a big ride on monday up in Toolangi state forest. Fantastic, miles and miles of bush tracks and trails. Did not see a single walker, horse, gate or rambler. (these have been successfully exterminated under Australia's pest control laws  .
Why cant we get rid of the pest just like the Austraians
| |
| |
|
![[Home]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/home.gif)
![[Help]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/help.gif)
![[Search]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/search.gif)
![[Calendar]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/calendar.gif)
![[Login]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/login.gif)
![[Register]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/register.gif)
![[Live Chat]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/menu/chat.gif)
![[Search This Thread]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/search2.gif)
![[Send Topic To Friend]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/buttons/sendtopic.gif)
![[Print]](http://s1.images.proboards.com/buttons/print.gif)
Logged